Julian Dean Diary
?As the saying goes in Spanish, ?Step by step?.
Well, I hope the crap weather we had in Valencia over the last couple of weeks is behind us now. No doubt there?ll be some more difficult days in the cold but I hope nothing like we?ve had. That has scarred me for life!
Today's first stage of Tirreno-Adriatico went ok. I was feeling a little better than during the first day of the Tour of Valencia?which I guess is something. Any improvement on my form is welcome - even if it?s only a little bit.
It was a typical Italian-style race day - an easy start with a flying finish. In the sprint I was able to get in amongst it a little. Much more so than on the first day in Valencia. I just hope that things can continue to come together during this race and that by the end I can get in amongst it with more authority.
It?s always difficult to get the mental state where it needs to be when the physical side is not where the mental state would like it to be! Today I wanted to have a go in the final but at the same time I was on a little on the limit?and afraid of crashing. When you are in form, you ride with confidence and moving around the peloton seems effortless and smooth. Because I?m not feeling at all confident on the bike at the moment, one of my biggest problems is trying to get and maintain a good position in the final kms.
My lack of form has brought about that time of year where the team is starting to ask themselves, and subtly me, what is wrong with me. I have had this virtually every year I have been professional but it never seems to get any easier to cope with. I know that at some time in the season, I?ll have form and redeem myself. When it comes, it comes. I just don't know why they can't get it. Although I guess that?s the job of Directors. They have to question their riders as proof of their omniscient watchful eyes. I do believe though that with my kind of character, it would be better if I didn?t have to contend with this sort of thing. It hasn?t, and I doubt ever will, have a positive effect on either my mental or physical states. The bottom line is, I know where I need to be, where I want to be and what I need to do to get there and there?s only one person who?ll get me there and that?s me and I know that it?ll happen?.
I?m trying not to get too caught up on it though?there are a lot of other things going on in my life at the moment. I have a plan and I want to stick to it.
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