Julian Dean Diary

News & Results

04/5/2006| 0 comments
by Julian Dean

Julian Dean Diary

Tour of Flanders.

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Flanders<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /?>

Well, if I think about the most positive aspect of this race, it?s that I didn't crash. For everything else, it wasn?t really a great day for me at all.

My objective was just to try and get to the finish of the race. But unfortunately I wasn't even able to do that. I made it to 180km but that was the end for me. I was swinging off and on the back of the peloton a couple of times before then but the Oude Kwaremont was too much and although I came onto it in ok position I couldn't even stay in a group up there. From that point on it was a grovel up the Paterberg and then a walk up the Koppenberg. And then on to the feedzone where I finally punched my ticket outa there.


Tour of
Flanders is a truly special event and the fact that I?m always so bad here disappoints me. I would love to be able to be good at this race but I never am. Although I didn?t expect to be anywhere near good today, at the end of the day it?s still a disappointing feeling not to finish. Even though I knew it was going to be difficult to finish this race in my current condition, I still feel bummed. Whenever I don?t finish a race I feel like this. Whether I've got good form or bad form. It plays on my mind and I always ask myself whether I tried hard enough and why didn't I finish. I also begin to question whether I?m even good enough to be part of the pro peloton. It seems a little crazy but these thoughts and feelings always hound me during moments like these. I doubt myself and my capabilities. I don?t know if I?m the only rider to think like this from time to time. I?m sure there are a lot of guys in the same situations who don't think or feel the way I do. Maybe that?s one of my pitfalls as a pro athlete.

When I was younger, I think that it used to eat at me a little more than it does now and although I'm feeling bummed, I know that I will be good at some point. The hardest part at the moment is trying
not to let the suffering in the races and the poor performances get me down. Although I?ve been pro for a long time now, I still haven?t managed to find a way to get through these times not feeling mentally drained and demoralised.

Anyway, for now it?s on to Gent-Welvegem on Wednesday. Once again I?m just aiming at finishing the bloody thing. Given that this week has been the focus for most of the riders here for the past 6 months, like
Flanders it?s going to be very tricky. Fortunately G-W isn?t as hard as Flanders so hopefully I can do a little better and just try to improve my form - and that in itself is a goal given


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